Author Topic: How to Give a Cat a Pill - an old one but a good one  (Read 400 times)

Minnie

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How to Give a Cat a Pill - an old one but a good one
« on: October 16, 2015, 02:51:30 PM »
How To Give A Cat A Pill
If you have ever tried to give a cat a pill you know
how difficult it is. The following instructions are fool proof!
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
 as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
 side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
 holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
 Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from under chair. Cradle cat
 in left arm and repeat process.
           
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take a new pill from foil wrap. Cradle cat in left arm holding
 rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill
 to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
 of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between the knees. Holding
 front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse
 to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler
 into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
 Make a note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
 sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head
 just visible from beneath spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
 straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure that pill is not harmful to humans. Drink
 glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm
 and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
 
10.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
 cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force
 mouth open with spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply
 cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot.
 throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call the fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
 Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
 cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
 to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garage.
 Force cat's mouth open with small trowel. Push pill into mouth followed}
 by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint
 of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly
 while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants
 from right eye. Stop by furniture store on the way home to order
 a new table.
15. Arrange for vet to make house call.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but chocolate is a woman's!

JillyB

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Re: How to Give a Cat a Pill - an old one but a good one
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2015, 03:02:18 PM »
hahahaha !!! Oh, know it all so well Minnie !!! hahahaha !! Brilliant !!!! ;D
The Road To My Heart Is Paved With Paw Prints

hammy

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Re: How to Give a Cat a Pill - an old one but a good one
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2015, 04:18:18 PM »
That brings back some memories  :)
You know nothing, Jon Snow.

gopher

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Re: How to Give a Cat a Pill - an old one but a good one
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2015, 07:28:58 PM »
Wonderful, Minnie - and so true.