Author Topic: A joke or two. :) :)  (Read 29202 times)

kindredspirit

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A joke or two. :) :)
« on: June 28, 2015, 05:01:12 PM »
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"



Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"

kindredspirit

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2015, 05:02:17 PM »
A friend once mentioned that only 5% of women make it to heaven.

I asked him why only 5%?

He said that any more than 5% and it would be hell.

(Runs for the hills.)  ;D  ;D

kindredspirit

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2015, 05:03:52 PM »
An American tourist was fed up after a fortnight of continuous rain on his holidays in Ireland.

He asked a local lad "Gee, does it ever stop raining in Ireland?"

The lad replied "How should I know, I'm only 10".

kindredspirit

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2015, 05:04:42 PM »
Paddy: "I've never been lucky in Love, I've been married twice and both of my Wives died!"

Murphy: "What happened?"

Paddy: "My first wife died from eating poisoned mushrooms"

Murphy: "...that's terrible, and the second?"

Paddy: "The second died from a fractured Skull"

Murphy: "How did she get that?"

Paddy: "She wouldn't eat her Mushrooms!"

gopher

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2015, 05:16:18 PM »
Terrific, kindred. Hard to say which I like the best.

Mike

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2015, 06:05:04 PM »
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"

LOL!

Mike

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2015, 06:06:33 PM »
A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.

Mike

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2015, 06:10:52 PM »
Soldiers stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station. The Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one man remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then just raised a single eyebrow.

The man smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”

Mike

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2015, 06:13:23 PM »
A very respected Captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost.
On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men’s barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?”

The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel ready for them.”

The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me”.

After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn’t control his sexual angst any longer.

He barked to his Sergeant: “BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!”

The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain’s quarters.
Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride.

“So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?” he asked.

The Sergeant replied, “Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town.”

gopher

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2015, 06:51:46 PM »
Lol to all three...especially the first.

kindredspirit

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2015, 08:21:14 PM »
How smart is Your Right Foot ? ?

 Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will
 boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you
 can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

 1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY.....) and
 while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
 your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
 hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so!!! And there's nothing
 you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the
 day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
 __________________


gopher

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2015, 08:34:47 PM »
ROFL

hammy

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2015, 12:26:43 PM »
Great stuff, all of them.  :) :) :)
You know nothing, Jon Snow.

Minnie

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Re: A joke or two. :) :)
« Reply #14 on: July 04, 2015, 01:08:52 PM »
http://www.hutton-web-design.co.uk/tanker.html

I love that one, it doesn't matter how many times I have seen it, it still cracks me up.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but chocolate is a woman's!